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Things I Wish I Had Said
Two Weeks Ago 
7th-Dec-2006 08:26 pm
I wish -- two weeks ago -- I would have confronted you about your addiction. I would have told you how much I love you and how I genuinely understand what addiction is like and the hopelessness that accompanies it. I told you how mine cost me the first love in my life and an unborn child. I would have taken a completely different path in life if only I had listened to her when she called me out.

I wish I could confront you right now, but I can't. I have to go take care of my little girl for the next few weeks before I deal with your problems.

I hope I say this:

With all that I am, I love you. I know you're doing meth and you need help. You're killing yourself, your kids, me... our marriage. I will be there for you and hold you close, but only if you get help. If I am not part of the solution, I have to go. I don't want to be divorced. I don't want to see the woman I love continue down this path. I vowed for better or worse and this is as bad as it gets.

Rehab is in Michigan where you have no drug connections and I have a solid network of people who love and trust me and will support you based on my word alone. Get busy living or get busy dying. If you choose meth over me, you choose it over your children and your own life too. I cannot watch it and I will not enable you by being supportive when you keep using and think you're oh-so-smarter-than-me-and-everyone-else when you lie about it. I know and would stake my life and the life of my child on the fact that I am right.
25th-Feb-2009 01:11 pm (UTC) - [UPDATE February 25, 2009]
About a month after I wrote the original post, I confronted her about her addiction. Let's just say I did not show the thoughtfulness of this post. The results were, predictable. She yelled and screamed and denied, a lot. She was violent and probably should have gone to jail. A few weeks later, we split for the first of many times.

In late October of 2007, she finally admitted her addiction and sought help. Like most addicts, she relapsed inside of six months and still struggles with the addiction to this day.

As for me, I tried to forgive and be supportive, but that lasted about as long as her sobriety. It's been almost a year apart, thankfully. I still carry scars and damage. I expect I always will.
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