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Things I Wish I Had Said
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7th-Dec-2006 08:26 pm - Two Weeks Ago
I wish -- two weeks ago -- I would have confronted you about your addiction. I would have told you how much I love you and how I genuinely understand what addiction is like and the hopelessness that accompanies it. I told you how mine cost me the first love in my life and an unborn child. I would have taken a completely different path in life if only I had listened to her when she called me out.

I wish I could confront you right now, but I can't. I have to go take care of my little girl for the next few weeks before I deal with your problems.

I hope I say this:

With all that I am, I love you. I know you're doing meth and you need help. You're killing yourself, your kids, me... our marriage. I will be there for you and hold you close, but only if you get help. If I am not part of the solution, I have to go. I don't want to be divorced. I don't want to see the woman I love continue down this path. I vowed for better or worse and this is as bad as it gets.

Rehab is in Michigan where you have no drug connections and I have a solid network of people who love and trust me and will support you based on my word alone. Get busy living or get busy dying. If you choose meth over me, you choose it over your children and your own life too. I cannot watch it and I will not enable you by being supportive when you keep using and think you're oh-so-smarter-than-me-and-everyone-else when you lie about it. I know and would stake my life and the life of my child on the fact that I am right.
22nd-Aug-2006 05:10 pm - masterful
I was about to tell them to go fuck themselves when it dawned on me that this suggestion would have the same impact as telling a bee to buzz off.
19th-Jan-2006 10:27 pm - Yellow Bastard
I wish I had my shit together before you died, you filthy old bastard. If I had my shit together then, I would have ended you. Make no mistake, you would have begged for death.

It's bad enough that you did it to my mother. It wasn't enough to spread your damage to one generation was it? Had to take liberties with the grandkids too, didn't you?

Thank fucking God that you never reproduced.

For the record, the reason they replaced your headstone is because I kicked it over so many fucking times.
11th-Jan-2006 02:52 pm - impressed
"Wow! You've got tits? Really? AND a vagina? Well... what do you know? You must be really special. I mean, seriously... what are the chances of that happening? You were actually BORN with those parts? Amazing! And that body? A random accident of physical development? That's outrageous! Most people have to build their bodies through exercise and diet. Yet... you... YOU have proportionate form and it was just a matter of genes. Gosh... well, of course you should be worshipped and treated like a goddess. I mean how often is it that a man comes into contact with a generally attractive woman? This is a fucking momentous ocassion! I suppose it would be asking too much... but I wonder if you'd wink at me and pretend that you might be interested in me in some vague manner and send on my merry way in a state of bliss that only comes from having a real woman with real breasts acknowledge me! I mean... I'm only an adult man and what's the likelihood that I've ever even spoken to a woman before? Crazy..."
2nd-Nov-2005 09:59 pm - 6 April 2005
honey lick
I wrote this to someone nearly 7 months ago, but never sent it. I should have.

Dear ----,

I have time and time again extended myself to you. I have offered my love, friendship, support in every way I can given the circumstances. You have fought me at every turn. Despite this, I continue to let you know that I am here when/if you should need me.

I do not know what to do at this point. You seem completely unwilling to accept kindness and love from someone who is asking nothing of you in return. In fact, you seem offended by it and determined to push it away, as you have nearly everything else.

I am beginning to think that you choose to live in a state of pain because it is what is familiar to you. Time and time again you make choices that lead you down that path. I can understand this, but I cannot participate in it.

Extending myself any further to you would be to my emotional detriment. I have offered and given all that I am capable of without losing myself in the process.

This cannot continue. For the time being I am letting this go. If you want to fight, you are going to have to find someone else as your sparring partner.

When you are ready, I will be here.
27th-Oct-2005 01:10 pm - Michelle, My Love
I wish I had gotten down on one knee in the airport terminal and asked you to marry me right then and there. I wish I had said, "Don't get on the plane, we'll figure out everything from here." I was trying to do things right letting you go back. Aiming for forever, rather than instant gratification.

While we still may find our forever yet, we both could have been spared the pain of distance and outside pressure had I said, "stay."
25th-Oct-2005 06:14 pm - To L. From A Long Time Ago...
L. -

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. I didn't realize until long after the fact what your feelings were. I didn't mean to break your heart. Honestly, it was only an issue of timing. I did feel that way about you, I always felt that way. If I had been paying attention to all the little things you were doing for me - inviting me over for so many dinners, asking me out to coffee (even though you hate coffee), the "cheer up" cards... I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. It took me awhile to figure things out, but I figured them out far too late. I really missed out and I'm sorry I hurt you. I wish I had realized earlier. If it means anything, you are one of the sweetest people I've ever met and I would have been proud to have been your man (as any man should be). Good luck, sweetie... you deserve all the happiness that life can give you.
25th-Oct-2005 02:04 pm - Destined
This is destined to be a hit or a failure. Time will tell.

All of us have wanted to go back to some point in our life and say or do something a little bit different. Maybe you wish you had told a lover how you really felt about them. Maybe you never had a final moment with a friend or a parent before they died. Maybe you wish you had told a friend not to drive drunk. Maybe it is something as simple as telling a bully where to get off.

We can't go back. We can't forget. Maybe saying something here will help. Maybe this can be a reminder to all of us for next time.
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